lie to me and say, "its going to be allright."

I really miss everything about being younger. I miss the way I loved my dad and he loved me. I miss the way I only cried over small things, things that I and everyone else knew were only temporary. I miss thinking sadness would always come to an end, that happiness was the default emotion. I really miss the way my mom seemed happy. I miss things like having faith in myself, having faith in feelings, having faith in others. I miss not second-guessing every single choice Ive made. I miss thinking God was there, that he would always be there, that he once existed, that he was real. I miss simplicity, and how I didn't care if I were to be judged. I didn't even notice. I miss hating the idea of cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol, and I miss honestly saying to those that cared that I will stay away from all that, that I don't see the point in any of it. I miss having purpose or reason for being here, or at least thinking I had purpose or reason for being here. I miss my grandmother being younger, and I miss thinking no one I loved could ever, ever die. I miss thinking the future was hopeful, I miss thinking I had an infinite amount of possibility. Fuck, I miss being infinite.

I miss thinking I had nothing to miss. I miss not thinking about all the things I will miss forever.

I'm tired of being sad and longing for something else. I'm tired of being tired of mainly everything, especially this fucking brain of mine.